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Keeping Up with the Kardashians: S08E010: "Opa!"

By Mark Abraham · Aug 07, 2013
Editorial Note, 1 June 2015

These recaps were written before Caitlyn Jenner came out, is the reason they use incorrect names and pronouns.

“Opa!” is all about resolutions. Unfortunately, since “Opa!” isn’t the season finale of Keeping Up with the Kardashians, all of the resolutions in “Opa!” I’m sure will be unresolved again by the next episode.

The Set-Up: In the previous episode, “Greece Him Up,” the rest of the family (well…the family who are cast members of this show, minus a Scott Disick and a Rob Kardashian) arrived in Mykonos and did a bunch of Mykonos-themed stuff. Meanwhile, Kris Jenner and her stepson Brody attempted to resolve their “issues,” a process which was still unfortunately happening as the episode hiccuped to it’s rather silly end, as if we were all going to be devastatingly hung up on that epic cliffhanger all this past week, super-concerned about whether Brody and Kris would Get Over Their Shit or not. It’s not exactly a Moldavian massacre, right?

Kris: Isn’t it?

Brody: I laid my soul bare, bro! I’m still doing it as this episode starts!

Seriously! It’s like this series of tense looks and terse statements—intercut with Brody ineloquently complaining about how much money Kris spent on this all-inclusive all-paid-for family vacation right before he notes that maybe this vacation was actually the best thing that could have ever happened to his and his stepmom’s relationship—is never going to fucking end! It dominated the concluding 20 minutes of the last episode, and we start right away with a “Previously On…” that details it again, followed by a quick recap of the first part of the conversation, followed by, I fucking hope, the end of this goddamn conversation.

(As a side note? Dear editors: I don’t need 18 different renditions of this conversation to know that Brody don’t talk good.)

ARE YOU READY TO FIND OUT WHAT HAPPENED?

Brody keeps explaining that he doesn’t care about material shit, which is bullshit, frankly.

Kris.
"Okay, but so then why is this, like, the 27th reality show you've been a part of?"

He may well be invested in an idea of himself where he is more concerned about his relationships with his family members than he is the money that they spend to live the lives they lead together, but that only gets him to about Six Feet Under‘s Nate Fischer on the Assholes Who Desperately Crave Love But Refuse To Recognize Their Own Culpability In Sabotaging Their Own Relationships character scale.

Kris: Is that two Six Feet Under references in two weeks?

Mark: I’m just trying to be more consistent than your show is, Kris.

I want to be charitable here. Brody doesn’t quite phrase his complaints this way, but I’ll buy—as an honest and truthful expression of Brody’s real, valid feelings—that he feels that Kris has too often attempted to smooth things over by throwing expensive things and vacations at him, and at her children, and that Brody’s experience of Kris has led him to perceive a kind of institutional program where Kris defaults to buying her children’s affections. I mean, I don’t think that’s very fair to Kris—based on our experiences with her, I think Kris really loves her children and loves to spend shit tons of money on her family, which is essentially the defense she tries to make when Brody first articulates this particular complaint—but I’ll buy that Brody feels that way about her, and that he can’t hear her because right now? This is a very important component of how he wants to view himself.

Brody: Thanks, bro!

Mark: Um…even so, you complaining that she’s trying to buy your affections while you’re presently presumably enjoying yourself on this expensive vacation is pretty dumb, no matter how you cut it.

I can’t with the money hypocrisy with this family, though, so let’s move on. And to his credit, Brody does clearly state that maybe Kris was the victim of lingering tensions between his mother and father and his own inability as a child to really parse those complications, though Kris pretty quickly—and rightly—notes that Bruce and Linda had been divorced for many years before she entered the picture, so Brody can’t really blame her for much beyond being the face of his father’s new family. Neither she nor he mentions Kris’s well-known affairs, which may be clouding Brody’s judgement, but Kris does have a defense for that too: it was the fucking ’80s, after all.

I dunno. Like the Ellen Pierson thing, the paparazzo thing, and the divorce thing, I still don’t feel—after three agonizing episodes of this shit—that we’re really getting enough information to judge much of anything, other than the fact that a younger Brody, pissed off at his dad, gravitated to the idea that Bruce’s new family was what was keeping him too busy to be involved in his sons’ lives. Which means this is still Bruce’s fault, and unless the show is going to offer a specific example of something Kris did to piss Brody off—I totally believe they exist, so that’s not a challenge, but here I just mean we as an audience need one detailed for basic plot purposes—Brody just comes off like an ass who has forgiven his father for the lion’s share of the problem but is still blaming Kris for being involved by proxy. Which…Brody is exactly that guy, both because he’s more than a little sexist and because he clearly feels like forgiveness is only relevant once the person he needs to forgive has acknowledged that Brody was their victim. Bruce did in episode 2, and now Kris has, and both times the moment his father and step-mother admitted to their own culpability Brody was like, “I forgive you and I’m so happy you’ve been able to admit to me how you’ve fucked me up.” Can we move the fuck on already?

Kourtney: Sure!

All of the sudden, more enthusiastic than she’s seemed about anything all season, Kourtney goes over and eases her step-brother and mother out of the tense part of their conversation, makes some jokes about how she hated Bruce at first and wore black in protest for a day, and everything seems resolved.

Kourtney.
This is the face of an exasperated older sibling.

Kris: Three new story lines, stat!

It will not surprise you to learn that after all of that the three actual story lines of this episode are boring and half-assed.

The A-Plot: The Kardashian/Jenner family is having fun together on this trip except for Kendall who is being left out.

We see the fun manifested in a variety of ways. First, Brody, Brandon, Khloé, and Kylie go ATVing on a bunch of what look to be well-constructed roads.

Kylie and Khloé.
Feel the off-roadiness.

Elsewhere, at a meal, Brody orders Kris a rosé—he says it like he’s ordering a piano made out of unicorn horns—because, remember, he doesn’t care about material things, but also because now that he and step-mommy are cool he wants to be her BFF.

Later, the whole family travels to Santorini, and specifically Oia, that toy town where Lena goes in Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants. In the Kardashian world Oia is not a quaint place where your elderly grandparents live, but an opulent tourist destination where “quaint” is really code for “too fucking expensive for any riff raff.” Then Brody, Brandon, Leah, Kourtney, Kim, Khloé, and Kylie all go to get fish pedicures, which is literally sticking your feet inside a container filled with small fish and letting them eat your feet into prettiness. Kimberly Kardashian—what her mother calls her in this episode—freaks the fuck out despite the fact that she is the established Queen of Inject Myself Into Myself For Health And Beauty Purposes scenes. I guess since these fish aren’t injected she can’t handle it? Then the Kris, Kourtney, and Leah jump in the pool with their clothes on, which is apparently a family tradition. Later, Brody, Khloé, and Kylie hit the town but we don’t see any of it and they’re up pretty early the next morning anyway so…how crazy could it have been?

The big deal here is that Kendall—who is clearly, we all know, the most boring member of this family, though Khloé politely and bemusedly refers to her as the “shy” and “introverted” one, which is “okay” because “there should be a shy one in our family”—is left out of all of these things, and she’s very upset.

Kendall.
"Feel my pain."

It’s a little unclear why, though a quick recap suggests that she mostly slept through all of these things. Anyways, Kendall at first gets a little angry at Brody after the ATVing session but later positively erupts at Khloé. It becomes clear that Kendall thought she was going to get to really spend time with Brandon and Brody and feels left out or something. Khloé says to the camera “vocalize” and “participate” as obvious solutions and enlists Brody to involve Kendall, since Khloé is about to hop on helicopter and get the hell out of dodge.

So Brody takes Kendall ATVing, and she gets to smash plates with everybody at the end of the episode, so I guess everything is cool now?

The B-Plot: The Kardashian/Jenner family is having fun on this trip except for Scott who hates 80,000 people. What’s nice here is that it’s Leah who talks to him and points out that he’s not the only non-Kardashian/Jenner in the family anymore so maybe he could can the whole woe-is-me routine and recognize that Recurring Guest Star Lamar Odom will barely be on this show and Special Guest Star Kanye West is at this point a fictitious boyfriend from Canada that Kim made up, at least as far as the show is concerned, and that’s kind of how you deal with the things Scott is always dealing with. Not by, you know, being a starring character on this show.

Scott finally shows up to meet the family about halfway through the episode, wearing a somber hoodie and barely saying anything during dinner. The next day Brody tries to give Scott a pep talk about the weird pictures I neglected to mention last week because the show barely mentioned them but basically they’re of Scott + friends + non-friend women in a limo. Scott notes that they were his friend’s pickups. Brody says the sage line, “you shouldn’t ever put yourself in that position.”

What’s awesome here is that Brody starts the conversation with a firm position, but loses it as Scott very simply argues that he shouldn’t have to be an ass and tell his friends not to have sex with strangers or to take a different car or whatever just because the press is going to make up stories. (He doesn’t mention the part where, y’know, the only reason the Lord can collect “appearance fees” at all like this is because of the assumption that where the Lord goeth party-flavored scandal might follow.) Basically after Scott mildly defends himself Brody’s like, “cool. Guess you did the right thing, bro.” Thanks, Brody.

The conversation with Leah happens later when she finds him hiding out in an alcove. Leah—also an only child—grants that the family is weird and busts through Scott’s weirdly proprietary hint that he’s on the receiving end of more consistent Kardashian scrutiny than Leah is—he says, “imagine that’s every day, and not just vacation”—by essentially hinting that he should buck the fuck up.

There’s something a little weird here, though. I mean, sure, I get—and Kourtney clearly gets—that Scott is uncomfortable with lengthy family fun in a family with so many people and personalities, fine. But most of the past two or threes seasons of this show have been about Scott becoming friends with Kim and Khloé and making peace with Kris and Bruce so…why is this still so hard for him? This whole scenario reeks of him holding on to his own idea of what he is, which is really what he used to be, and not recognizing how much progress he has already made. But that’s classic Scott, so: keep on keepin’ oblivious!

The main result of Leah and Scott’s conversation is that Leah convinces Scott to do something romantic for Kourtney, given just how fucking understanding she is all the time. Scott and Kourtney have a nice dinner, Scott admits that he needs to try harder sometimes for the “wonderful person” he’s with, and that’s basically it.

The C-Plot: The Kardashian/Jenner family is having fun except for Bruce. Well…Bruce is actually having fun, but his stupid sons are convinced—thanks to some erratic conversations between Bruce and Michael Phelps where Bruce tried to argue that his one gold medal was harder to get that Phelps’s several—that Kris has emasculated Bruce and he needs some power back in the form of a putting green. They ask Kourtney and Scott about it, who are like “whatevs. This is not our plot line this week.”

…cool. I guess Bruce is getting a putting green next week.

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