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Mike Jeffries: Outie Edition

By Dom Sinacola · Sep 05, 2013

Mike Jeffries looks like…

Mike Jeffries Looks Like

…Mickey Rourke’s hemorrhoid.

…Eartha Kitt, discount basement pediatrician.

…Brian Dennehy, King of the Squirrels.

…how a scab tastes.

…an ultrasound. Like, the whole thing.

…a Gaspar Noe film. Like, the whole thing.

…that guy at the bar who always comments on the women in Big Buck Hunter by assuring everyone, “Damn, I’d let them hunt me any day.”

…Ganondorf, owner of at least two Taco del Mars.

…an outie bellybutton.

…Betty White’s elbow.

…a Rock ‘Em Sock ‘Em Robot made from ricotta.

…he’s killed a police officer.

…Hank Hill’s dad, Cotton Hill.

Cotton Hill

…the flying eyeball monster from Big Trouble In Little China.

…Theodore Roosevelt, beaten severely by the big stick.

…Celine Dion’s once-conjoined twin.

…an ignored house plant.

…a piece of soap long since ditched for being too unwieldy, but which you don’t have the heart to throw out.

…a crumpled up pile of wet towels at the public pool.

…he doesn’t have to shave, because his synthetic exoskeleton is incapable of creating human hair.

…Charlie Brown, mid-level gigolo.

…an infected, surly anthropomorphic molar from a 1970s oral hygiene PSA.

…the Snapchat ghost.

…Paul Bettany after a motorcycle accident.

…Snoopy in human form.

…the moon from that Smashing Pumpkins video.

…just a complete butt-face.

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