Joey Greco: Mayor of Aspen Edition

By Dom Sinacola · May 10, 2013

Joey Greco Looks Like…

Joey Greco

…Larry King finally stopping and taking a good, hard look at his life.

…he finally convinced Laura Prepon to date him. But really, things haven’t been going so well since CBS cancelled Are You There, Chelsea?, so she was pretty much like, “Eh, what the hell.”

…Joe Paterno during his last days.

…Harry Caray, Mayor of Aspen.

…the darkest alternate universe version of Joey Greco.

…he’d probably make you a pretty delicious pie if you asked him nice enough.

…he’s bidding on So You Think You Can Dance?, Celebrity Apprentice, or the Real World: Acapulco.

…his business card reads “Joey Greco, Cereal Grapist.”

…the worst landlord who has ever lorded over land.

…he has memberships to car2go, ZipCar, the San Diego Zoo, and Columbia House, all of which he doesn’t remember.

…he’s mounted three samurai swords on his coffee table, all of which he’s used to kill rats.

…he was the first to dream: what if tuxedos were white?

…Sgt. Salt ‘n’ Pepa.

…a short, metal stanchion, which is why people are leaning on him.

…his favorite high-fiber breakfast cereal and Jason Statham movie are both called “Death Race.”

…the Egyptian demigod of pottery glaze and assorted moisturizers.

…Employee of the Month, America’s Mattress.

…the hottest sandal salesman in the Lower Midwest.

…the New Edition Fan Club’s longest-reigning Sergeant at Arms.

…R. Kelly’s second favorite goose down consultant.

…he tried out for 2 Live Crew. History took care of the rest.

…a potential contestant of Rupaul’s Drag Race being escorted from the building by security.

…he makes the best corn dogs you’ve ever had.

…no diggity.

…he should have bagged it up.

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