Adam Sandler: Listicle Edition
By Dom Sinacola· Oct 31, 2013
This article is part of our 2013 Halloween costume. Click here for full costume.
Adam Sandler Looks Like…
…Jason Biggs, announcing the gender of the baby inside him.
…Dwayne “The Nutsack” Johnson.
…he can’t breathe through his nose. If he closes his mouth he will die.
…a microwaved potato.
…anthropomorphic syphilis with bleached teeth and boobs.
…a drawing from a Roald Dahl book.
…a futon cover someone drunkenly took a dump on.
…a leather bean bag chair with cauliflower ear.
…someone who would have a seizure and his friends would just step back and laugh at him until he stopped moving or, like, bit off his tongue.
…his eyes will continue to inch ever closer to each other until he becomes a Cyclops, which is when he will star in a movie called Cyrus Clops about a bouncer at a strip club who goes blind only to be magically given a third eye, which Cyrus uses to finally understand the inner lives of women.
…a picture from a Buzzfeed listicle called “10 Pictures of Adam Sandler Talking In A Baby Voice.”
…a picture from a Buzzfeed listicle called “Famous Men Reacting To Naked Pictures of Their Mothers.”
….a picture from a Buzzfeed listicle called “13 Ways You Know You Like Poop Jokes.”
…a picture from a Buzzfeed listicle called “12 Men Who, If They Weren’t Rich, You’d Maybe Still Pity Fuck.”
…a picture from a Buzzfeed listicle called “9 Pictures of Adam Sandler That Remind Us of Great Restaurants in Albuquerque.”
…a picture from a Buzzfeed listicle called “14 .gifs of Adam Sandler That Are Only One Frame Long.”
…a picture from a Buzzfeed listicle called “17 Pictures of Dudes Who Wear Sweatpants to Church.”
…he only shaves his legs down to the tops of his tube socks. It’s still sandal weather!
…a guy who asks to crash on your couch for the weekend but misses his flight on Sunday because he overslept and then expects to stay another three days. He drinks all of your beer and somehow has his own weed, but he gets really shady when you ask him to share, even though you know you shouldn’t have to ask. Basically, he’s the reason you live alone and never try to make any friends.
…his body is 83% caramel corn.
…a beard would do some real wonders on the whole “no chin” thing.
…Larry King coaching a tee-ball team.
…a guy with a lot of talent who squanders his potential on a bunch of no-brainer shit.
…someone who knows, deep down, that Grandma’s Boy was his best movie. And he basically had nothing to do with it.
…the ball finally went home. In his butt.
…the swan never stopped looking at him.
…he is immortal. He has inside him blood of kings. (Yeah!)