THE

"Knights of Cydonia"

By Dom Sinacola · Aug 08, 2013

A Matt Lib works in the same way a Mad Lib does, only it involves a Matt.

Print this out or write directly onto your computer monitor. Fill out the spaces below and then fit your answers into the corresponding lines in the following script involving Matt Bellamy, thereby completing his adventure.

MATT BELLAMY (Matthew James Bellamy) is not only a popular rock and roll singer in the band called Muse, he is the principle person who writes Muse’s songs. Muse has sold over 15 million albums worldwide, which is indefatigable proof that MATT BELLAMY is a super-great songwriter.

1. WHAT ONE WOULD CALL A PEAR-SHAPED NOVELTY SOAP ___________________
2. VERB, PRESENT TENSE, SOMETHING ONE WOULD DO TO, ON, OR IN THE IMMEDIATE VICINITY OF SCRAMBLED EGGS OR OF A PRIEST, OR OF BOTH AT THE SAME TIME ___________________
3. SECTION OF A HUMAN COLON ___________________
4. A MEMBER OF THE EXTENDED KARDASHIAN FAMILY ___________________
5. PUBLIC SECTOR EMPLOYEE ___________________
6. ADJECTIVE, HOW ONE WOULD DESCRIBE A FUNK SONG ___________________
7. VERB, USING ONE’S WHOLE BUTT ___________________
8. PIECE OF CLOTHING WORN ON THE BOTTOM HALF OF ONE’S BODY ___________________

(MATT walks out on stage wearing a Hawaiian shirt that would give an infant motion sickness. Inordinately sonorous power chords signal that Muse’s megahit song, “Knights of Cydonia,” has begun. It literally sounds as if knights clad in space-armor are galloping into battle on space-horses, struck in silhouette against the horizon in the Cydonia region of Mars. There are horns! Two full minutes pass.)

MATT: (singing with his whole (1)__________) Come (2)__________ with me
Through the (3)__________ of history
I’ll show you how (4)__________
Falls asleep on the (5)__________

And how can we win
When fools can be (6)__________
Don’t (7)__________ your (8)__________
Or (8)__________ will (7)__________ you

9. VERB, USING A SPATULA AND NECK PILLOW ___________________
10. ADJECTIVE THAT SOUNDS SIMILAR TO (3), PEJORATIVE ___________________
11. VERB, TYPICALLY INTO DIAPER ___________________
12. “TO” + LARGE MEXICAN CITY THAT RHYMES AS CLOSE AS POSSIBLE WITHBOOGALOO” ___________________
13. INTRANSITIVE VERB, WITH A SOCK FULL OF QUARTERS ___________________
14. VERB, TYPICALLY INTO ONE’S CUPPED HANDS, SUDDENLY ___________________
15. FAMOUS EVANGELICAL PASTOR…OR THE NAME OF YOUR STREET GROWING UP PAIRED WITH YOUR FIRST PET’S NAME, THAT’S YOUR PORN NAME ___________________
16. VERB, TYPICALLY OUT OF ONE’S FACE HOLES ___________________

MATT: No one’s gonna (9)__________ me alive
The (8)__________ has come to make things (10)__________
You and I must (11)__________ for our rights
You and I must (11)__________ to survive

No one’s gonna take me (12)__________
The time has come to (13)__________ things right
You and I must (14)__________ for our rights
You and I must (14)__________ to survive

(15)__________ [is] gonna take me alive
The (8)__________ has come to make things right
You and I must (16)__________ for our rights
You and I must (16)__________ to survive

Discussion
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