THE
Karl Rove's Grand Old Party Cake.

Karl Rove's Grand Old Party Cake

By Mark Abraham · Nov 01, 2013

Note: this is an adaptation of the “Grand Cake” recipe from Best of Bridge.

Ingredients

Cake

200g flour
1.2g baking soda
0.5g baking powder
1.2g salt
100g cocoa powder
120g butter, room temperature
150g sugar
3 eggs
2g vanilla
5oz water
1oz Grand Marnier liqueur

Filling

3 legislative bills, at least, meant to appeal to Hispanic voters
87 potentially electable conservatives to replace Tea Party members in Congress
87 political campaigns to disguise the fact that the Tea Party is being marginalized in order to keep the votes of Tea Party supporters, and also to disguise any attempts to appeal to Hispanic voters
10g 10-foot-pole distance from reactionary state-level policies towards choice, marriage, and voter’s rights zest
457 appearances on conservative radio and television programs
-1 Newt Gingrich
$1,000,000,000 in campaign funds
1oz Grand Marnier liqueur

Instructions

To make cake: preheat oven to 350°. Grease two 8” round cake pans and line with parchment paper.

Measure flour, baking soda, baking powder, salt, and cocoa into a bowl and sift together.

Cream butter using electric beater. Gradually add sugar, beating until light and fluffy. Beat in eggs 1 at a time. Add vanilla and Grand Marnier. At low speed, add dry ingredients in batches.

Pour batter into pans and bake for 30-35 minutes, or until center of cake springs back when lightly touched.

Let cakes cool 5 minutes, then turn out. Cool thoroughly on racks.

To make filling: Combine bills, half the money, and new good-natured pragmatism, with a healthy dollop of denial in a saucepan; cook over medium heat. Stirring constantly until ingredients are dissolved, abour 5 minutes. Remove from heat and stir in Grand Marnier and zest.

Press a sheet of waxed paper on surface of filling and refrigerate until cool, about 20 minutes. Do not refer to this sheet of waxed paper as a wall.

To assemble: starting from the ground up, build cake one layer at a time, frosting each layer with filling. Spend the other half of the money on a targeted media campaign declaring that you’re doing this over and over, periodically showing pictures of the cake in construction.

When cake is completed (in October 2014), refrigerate immediately. Let set at least 4 hours to “let the voters get to know each other.”

Hope for the best.

Discussion
Can't see the comments? Sorry, but they require javascript.