Jimmy Kimmel Live: 20 June 2012
By Dom Sinacola· Jun 10, 2013
A Matt Lib works in the same way a Mad Lib does, only it involves a Matt.
Print this out or write directly onto your computer monitor. Fill out the spaces below and then fit your answers into the corresponding lines involving Matt McConaughey, thereby completing his adventure.
MATT MCCONAUGHEY is a charismatic movie star who often appears on late night talk shows to promote one of potentially twelve movies or television shows he’s in per year. In June of 2012, MATT guested on Jimmy Kimmel Live to discuss his role in Magic Mike, Steven Soderbergh’s real-life slice of male strippering. Instead, because he’s such a Good-time Gus, MATT told JIMMY KIMMEL about his recent marriage.
1. TYPE OF PERCUSSIONIST ___________________
2. LARGE CITY IN CHINA ___________________
3. ADJECTIVE DESCRIBING A BONER ___________________
4. “LIKE” + STAR OF DIFF’RENT STROKES ___________________
5. SOMETHING THAT HAPPENS IN THE PARKING LOT OF A DISCO BISCUITS CONCERT ___________________
6. NUMBER OF TIMES YOU’VE THOUGHT ABOUT EATING A DONUT THIS WEEK ___________________
7. NAME OF U.S. DETENTION FACILITY THAT HAS RECENTLY COURTED CONTROVERSY ___________________
8. U.S. STATE YOU HATE THE MOST ___________________
9. INTERJECTION, NAME OF A MUSICAL WITH AN EXCLAMATION MARK IN ITS TITLE ___________________
10. FARM ANIMAL, PLURAL ___________________
11. NUMBER OF TIMES YOU THOUGHT YOU HEARD THE MAIL COME TODAY, BUT IT DIDN’T REALLY COME, YOU WERE TOTALLY MISTAKEN; TIMES 50 + 17 ___________________
12. PROMINENT IMAGE ON A CANNIBAL CORPSE RECORD COVER ___________________
13. VERB, WITH DIAPER, PAST TENSE ___________________
14. NATURAL CONSEQUENCE OF (13) ___________________
15. COLOR OF (14) ___________________
16. PART OF THE BRAIN, PLURAL ___________________
17. OUT-PATIENT MEDICAL PROCEDURE, PERFORMED ON THE BUTT, PLURAL ___________________
18. DELICACY, PROMINENTLY MADE FROM FETUSES ___________________
JIMMY KIMMEL: Welcome back, our guest tonight is a world-renowned (1)__________. Starting next Friday you can see him play a man named (2)__________ in the new (3)__________ movie, Magic Mike. Please say hello to Matthew McConaughey.
[MATT MCCONAUGHEY struts on stage to exorbitant applause. He hardily shakes hands with JIMMY KIMMEL and casually sits down. He’s wearing loafers, no socks.]
JIMMY KIMMEL: It’s good to see ya. You look (4)__________. You’re a married man now, congratulations.
MATT: Thank you very much. I am a married man.
JIMMY KIMMEL: Yeah. I bet your wedding was a lot of (5)__________. I’m just guessing. I bet pretty much everything you do is a lot of (5)__________. Yes?
MATT: I try to keep it that way, but the wedding, it was…(6)__________ hours…
JIMMY KIMMEL: (6)__________ hours?
MATT: We built a (7)__________ and basically kept all of our friends and loved ones captive.
JIMMY KIMMEL: What do you mean you built a (7)__________?
MATT: Well in (8)__________ at our home we got eight acres. And two acres sit flat. So we got 40 tents…
JIMMY KIMMEL: (9)__________!
MATT: …air conditioned the tents. Set up outdoor nice, luxury (10)__________ and bathrooms, had 17 family members in the house. We had (11)__________ people there stay for three days. So we had sushi on the (12)__________ Friday afternoon, bar…One of my first rules was that the bar must stay open until the last man or woman (13)__________.
[Audience laughs and applauses.]
And the bar never shut before daylight, I’m proud to say that. And then Saturday, I kinda took it easy that day, because that was my big (14)__________. The ceremony. We had a (15)__________ ceremony that Saturday night, the band played ‘til 3:30 in the morning. Some of the bands’ (16)__________ were bleeding, they said it was the longest set they ever played.
JIMMY KIMMEL: Well, they don’t want to disappoint you.
MATT: Well that was part of that…that night I didn’t go to bed until we needed (17)__________, which was nice to say. Went back, caught a couple hours, got up, we had (18)__________…kept partying that night, and I think everyone turned in about 3 AM Monday morning. So it was little more than (6)__________ hours.
19. ORTHOTIC BLOUSE ___________________
20. VERB, SQUISHY ___________________
21. SOMETHING THAT COMES OUT OF INSPECTOR GADGET’S HAT ___________________
22. SEX TOY ___________________
23. COMING OF AGE RITUAL FOR A YOUNG MEXICAN WOMAN ___________________
24. VERB, SOMETHING ONE DOES IN THE SHOWER, PREFERABLY ALONE, PAST TENSE ___________________
25. EUROPEAN CITY BOTH KNOWN FOR DEBAUCHERY AND SOBERING HOLOCAUST MUSEUMS ___________________
26. FARM ANIMAL, DIFFERENT FROM (10) ___________________
27. VERB, SOMETHING HIS CHARACTER FROM MAGIC MIKE WOULD DO ___________________
28. KIND OF PANTS, PLURAL ___________________
29. VERB, MOIST, PAST TENSE ___________________
30. VERB, SOMETHING ONE DOES IN THE BACK OF A POLICE CAR, PREFERABLY ALONE, PAST TENSE ___________________
31. LARGE FAMOUS CHEF ___________________
JIMMY KIMMEL: That sounds like a lot of fun! And I just noticed you’re not wearing your (19)__________. Why aren’t you wearing your (19)__________?
MATT: …that’s the news I was going to (20)__________.
JIMMY KIMMEL: Ha. The whole wedding lasted (6)__________ hours.
MATT: Naw, the (19)__________ is getting something done to it, just a little extra (21)__________ we wanted to add after the fact.
JIMMY KIMMEL: Oh really? What, like a (22)__________ or something?
MATT: [Fakes reaching into pocket.] I got one of those right here, man.
JIMMY KIMMEL: Was there a bachelor (23)__________?
MATT: No, there was no bachelor (23)__________…
JIMMY KIMMEL: Huh?
MATT: …not for a lack of effort by my honorable, degenerate, single friends. They (24)__________ hard.
JIMMY KIMMEL: Yeah, of course.
MATT: You know who you are out there, Mark. They (24)__________ really hard: “We gotta have a bachelor (23)__________, man, we got to…” I said, “What am I gonna do, man?” I’ve been living with Camilla basically 6 years, we’ve been dating for that long. So we gonna go to (25)__________ an I’m gonna do what?…
JIMMY KIMMEL: Break up! Is what’s going to end up happening, yeah.
MATT: The residuals didn’t seem like a good idea on that trip…Plus they wanted me to foot the (26)__________.
JIMMY KIMMEL: Really?! They wanted you to (27)__________ for your own bachelor (23)__________? Wow. These are some friends you have. You need new friends.
MATT: They are persistent.
JIMMY KIMMEL: I’d imagine that they are. They must be heartbroken that you’re married now and they’re left to their own (28)__________. Are they still in the tents or did they agree to leave?
MATT: There’s a couple that were in the tents ‘til Tuesday. There was one in particular that was in a tent that was knocked down…by another one of my friends, another Mark, you know who you are.
JIMMY KIMMEL: He (29)__________ the tent.
MATT: He felt it was his need, his responsibility to tackle the tent at 4 AM while my other friend was in it. And my other friend that was in it was in such a condition that he just (30)__________ right through it until it fell on top of him and he woke up sweating at two in the afternoon.
JIMMY KIMMEL: As if he had been attacked by a (31)__________.