THE
Answering Machine.

Retired Answering Machine Messages, Volume 3

By Mark Abraham & Dom Sinacola · Jan 21, 2014
  • That epic plot twist in Now You See Me was a doozy, huh?
  • It probably should have been called Star Trek: Who Gives a Fuck?
  • Whoops! You caught us daydreaming about Sebastian the crab singing a song just for us!
  • Don’t you even dare impugn the grandeur of Adam Sandler’s late-career movies!
  • Shit. Do you think Bambi’s mom had life insurance?
  • #moldavianmassacresurvivor
  • We make James Buchanan jokes because James Buchanan, right?
  • No, but seriously, have you ever actually listened to the lyrics of “O.P.P.”?
  • We’ll just say it: Twitter friends are better than real-life friends.
  • No, we do have a podcast. We just don’t let anybody hear it.
  • If you play The Lord of the Rings backwards it’s really annoying to watch.
  • What crazy Miley Cyrus thing? You mean when she pulled her wig off to reveal that she is Hannah Montana?
  • Currently trying on a nice silk shirt and 8-Ball jacket combo.
  • I’m your Hootieandtheblowfishberry. #90stombstone
  • Manipulating plankton into a life-sized replica of Mikhail Gorbachev’s face.
  • Starting a Kickstarter for that cute new toaster oven we want. It’s the boysenberry one!
  • We should really upgrade our copy of Spice World from VHS to Blu-Ray.
  • We thought about being cannibals for a while ‘cause it sounds cool, but turns out that means eating human flesh.
  • Nobody’s grandmother lives over the river or through the woods anymore.
  • We’re off to find the Holy Grail: an Mmmuffins. We haven’t seen one in years.
  • Before they could just run a computer scan, did they have to compare fingerprints by eyeballing them?
  • One innovative thing about One Direction: the blonde one isn’t the lead singer.
  • Thought it might be fun to start painting Warhammer 40k models again; remembered we couldn’t paint.
  • I don’t think most of the games that try to be Zelda understand Zelda.
  • Why haven’t they made Stick It 2 yet?!?!”
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