Kanye West and Kim Kardashian.

Kanye West: "Bound 2"

By Mark Abraham · Nov 28, 2013

Kanye: So these random nature shows aren’t random. They’re like Planet Earth, right? ‘Cause our love is that epic.

Kim: I get it. But I’m not sure I get the horses. Are they white because of the purity of our love? Or running because of the strength of our love? Are they, like, unicorns, because our love is that magic?

Kanye: All of those. But it’s also like Ozymandias, you know? When we’re gone, hundreds of years from now, people will still be able to see evidence of our love in random things in the wilderness. Horses. Mountains. Clouds. Trees. Motorcycle fossils.

Kim: So, like, you can actually see the earth aging as the horses run across that grassland, right? Or as the motorcycle goes by? Because our love is longer than that?

Kanye: Yes. Also: motorcycles are a metaphor for how revved up you make me. And also for how our love is so epic that it burns fossil fuels. Which in turn is another metaphor for the epicness of our love.

Kim: And, like, that tie-dye shirt with the holes in it? Is that a metaphor for how you’ll hold on to our love no matter how ratty it is? Ooh! Is that one of those early ’90s shirts that changes color with heat? I had tons of those! But that could be a metaphor for the heat of our love. It’s so hot it literally changes your vision.

Kanye: Shit. Now I wish it was. Although, that is kind of why I’m wearing two different plaids. Our love makes you do a double-take. High five!

Kim: So does my silhouette, amirite? I look good.

Kanye: Your body is a metaphor for how awesome we both are! And also our love!

Kim: And so is that animal skin vest you’re wearing. Our love uses all of the animal parts!

Kanye: That’s why I said “one good girl is worth a thousand bitches.”

Kim: So romantic!

Kanye: That’s also why it takes us like 20 seconds to actually kiss in that shot. Because even we are still amazed at the sparks that ignite between us. They’re as epic as that sunset in the background!

Kim: That’s why right after we kissed I had to lie down and breath out the motherfucking moon. I get it!

Kanye: Also: that’s a metaphor for our baby, North, who is like a motherfucking moon. Right? High five!

Kim: I like when our bodies are bumping on the motorbike while you say “I wanna fuck you hard on the sink” and it looks like we’re fucking. Is that a metaphor for how our sex is so awesome that every time we fuck it’s like we’re speeding across the American continent with no helmets?

Kanye: …and also how our orgasms are like all of the gradual seismic forces that carve out mountains and canyons and continents released in one “whoosh”!

Kim: I love being in this much love!

Kanye: Our love fucks with time, even. That’s why everything but us in the video is sped up. Fuck Sting and his tantric bullshit. We’re the real deal!

Kim: Our love is more powerful than Jesus! Even Jesus’s tears!

Kanye: Ah ha, honey.

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